Tips for Funeral & Eulogy

Preparing for the eulogy

You must sit down with the family and have them discuss the "mailos" of this individual, and you use those things that they say as material. If they mention that he was a baal chesed...then talk about the great maila of chesed...etc....you'll take it from there. 

you can say you didn't have the privilege of knowing him and when speaking later you mention when speaking to the family they said and the family or name the person in the family was telling me how we loved eating herring together etc.

An interesting idea which is noticed from the rebbes sichos in the early

years when the rebbe would talk about someone who passed away the rebbe

would all ways take a lesson from the person hebrew name, highlighting the

original possessor of that name and what they stood for - it is clear

that this was a way to say good things about a person (their name) without

having to exaggerate on the deeds of the person.

And also the maalos of the Jewish soul, G-d's candle to illuminate the darkness in the world, chelek min hoetzem, vekadoime…

Which Yom Tov was their favorite

If there was a mitzvah the person enjoyed/loved. (to encourage vhachai yiten el libo)

When you are speaking with them, do take notes it will show them you are involved and sincerely interested, b) allow you to have something to use during eulogy/speaking c) you will have quotes from the family which is great to use and they love being quoted.

Also when meeting with the family (especially if they haven’t been to many or orthodox funerals) it is helpful to give them an overview/order of events. And it is great to mention/discuss kriah.

Funeral Qs:

Hebrew names

Parent Hebrew names

Date and time of passing

Where were they from Did what for a living

What was special about them

Any Story you would like to share

Anything specific you want mentioned?

Anyone else want to say a few words?

Shiva times

End will say kaddish

Disclose/Remind:

Shirt will be torn (don't need to wear expensive shirt)

Shoes

Mirrors

Candles (& safety)

First meal egg (Olive, lentils)

Length of Shiva

Minyan arrangement (sidurim, Torah, Yarmulkas..)

After Funeral:

Kaddish daily/weekly

Someone to cover saying Kaddish